My guest is Railey Molinario and we are discussing how to master finances in relationships. Railey, a renowned Love Educator & Relationship Coach empowers individuals to live fulfilling lives through her teachings on relationship intelligence. With a remarkable journey from abandonment at birth to a six-figure boss, Railey has gained recognition and has been featured on prominent platforms such as the BBC, Peanut, Medium, and Sovereign magazine.
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Podcast Transcript
Dr. Sev
I have a special guest today. But before I bring her on, I want to share my website and invite you to book an appointment for one on one consultation, for that initial consultation to see if you would like to work with me. There’s also a contact form that I want to invite you to go and fill it out if you are wanting me for speaking engagements or workshops. So again, check out my website, save talks money.com. Connect with me, and we can take it from there.
I have a special guest today. Her name is Railey Molinero. She is a renowned love educator and relationship coach. What she does is empower individuals to live fulfilling lives through her teachings on relationship intelligence. We’re going to hear all about that today. She’s also going to be sharing her remarkable journey from abandonment at birth to becoming a six-figure boss. We’re going to dive into details around that too. And lastly, we’re going to be talking about her signature program, which is called the power couple PhD. Doesn’t that sound intriguing? All right. So I know you want to hear so let’s dive in. Let’s bring in my special guests. Railey. Welcome to the Dr. Sam talks, money, YouTube and podcast.
Railey Molinario
Thank you so much for having me, I have to say your energy is magnetic. I am so excited.
Dr. Sev
Oh my gosh, I’m excited too, because I was thinking about, you know, I’m getting ahead of myself. But I was thinking about my relationship with money and my ex and some of the things that cause issues because we’re not on the same page. And having that relationship intelligence is so key. But I don’t want to get too much ahead of myself. First, let me see if there’s a comment in here, and this is from someone on YouTube. And she’s saying hi, everyone. Hi, Beverly, thank you for joining us. And I hope those who are on Facebook and LinkedIn will chime in, too. So, Railey, tell us about yourself. Tell us a little bit about your journey, how you got here, because this show is about hope. It’s about sharing tools and tips so that the audience can get from where they are to where they want to be. And you’ve certainly done that. So tell us a little bit about your story.
Railey Molinario
Yes, I was abandoned by my father when I was an infant and left to sleep in the snow. So there was no hope for me as an infant. You know, I then grew up with my mother and my stepfather in this very abusive and neglectful household there was financial abuse, emotional abuse, and physical abuse, it was a very, very dark place to grow up. I then at 16 years old, decided I have to try to make something of my life and I can’t do it here. So I left home, I went to university, I was able to get in, I was studying two degrees, I got a job a car, I was investing in the stock market. So on the outside, it looked like I had everything. But on the inside I was suffering, I was completely miserable. I had anxiety, depression, I had a binge eating disorder. So the inside was very different from the outside. So when I was in school, I was labeled as academically gifted, I was book smart. When you leave home at 16, you become street-smart. Even with the book smarts in the street smarts, I was missing something even more important, which I refer to as relationship intelligence, the relationship that I had with myself and the relationships that I had with other people. So it got so bad that I decided one day that I was going to take my life, I just didn’t want the pain anymore. I didn’t want the suffering. But in that moment, before I made that decision, I asked myself, do I actually want to die? Or do I want the suffering to end? And then that was that those were two different things that if I could create a beautiful life for myself with this thing that was so important that was missing, that is a life that I wanted to live one that was connected full of self-love, self-empowerment. And so I went on my journey to really understanding what relationship intelligence was, and exactly how to implement it. And along my journey, I saw that hold on a second, I’m not the only one, that society doesn’t equip us with these tools and techniques that we need. And too many people are suffering from the relationship they have with their self, the relationship they have with their partner, and then the relationships they have with other people. And now in 2023, we have it very, very clear that the quality of our life is dependent on the quality of our relationships. So you can have the money and the cars and all of those fancy things. But if you don’t have the relationships as well, you’re going to suffer.
Dr. Sev
Yes, I certainly agree. And you said something so key you say do I want to die? Or do I want the suffering to end? And I want to expound on that a little bit. Because that is such a key distinction. It’s not, I want to take myself out of this. But is it really that I want to die? Or do I want this thing that’s happening to me to stop? And how can I figure that out? So let’s count on that a little bit for us.
Railey Molinario
Absolutely. So, along my journey, I really started to understand what it meant to suffer. So pain happens in the body, right, I hit my toe, and I feel pain, but suffering happens in the mind. And so if you are able to connect with your mind and understand the inner workings of your mind, again, that relationship that you have with yourself, we call it self awareness, and self-management, if you’re able to control your mind and understand your mind and have a healthy relationship with yo ur mind, you will create an existence without suffering. And so I was always looking for outside things to replace that suffering that I had on the inside, you know, I was abused, I was neglected, I had these big holes. And I was trying to fill them with success, studying and getting two degrees with money, I came from poverty, I thought, okay, if I make a lot of money, then you know, that’s going to be great. So I tried to fill it with exterior things. And I soon quickly realised that it was actually the relationship that I had with myself, that was the most important thing that I had to focus on. Yes, it’s great to have a career, it’s great to have, you know, all these other things. But relationships are so much more important than all of that combined.
Dr. Sev
Yeah, we were definitely created to connect with each other. We are beings of relationship. I mean, our natural, the way, we gravitate to every other people were created that way. And when we don’t have that connection, that’s what creates that void. So yes, I really understand where you’re coming from with that. Now, our title of this message, or the session is mastering finances in relationships. And I know that, from everything I’ve read, one of the biggest reasons for divorce is because there is a disconnect when it comes to finances. So if you can tell me some maybe some common things that you’re finding among your clients, when it comes to this disconnect, in communication in relationships, then it bleeds over into their finances, talking about finances. So talk to us about a couple of things that you were finding, and maybe our viewers will find that they’re in that place. And they’ll know, okay, I need to take some steps.
Railey Molinario
Absolutely. So first, it’s really important to understand that no couple has ever or will not ever break up or get a divorce because of finances. It’s never happened and it never will happen. So it’s interesting that people think the number one cause of divorce is you know, finances, but it really has nothing to do with the finances. Because we’ve seen couples who are in poverty, who are happy, and couples who are billionaires who are unhappy. So it’s, it’s not the money itself. It’s what surrounds the money, it’s what the money represents. So one, if you are struggling with money in your relationship, you experience a lot of stress. And if you as a couple aren’t able to overcome that stress or work through that stress, then you are going to suffer.
Another thing is communication. You have to be able to communicate about what money means to what is your vision when it comes to money. You know, we get into relationships now. And we think that everyone thinks the way that we do, we have to be very clear when we get into a relationship and we create something called a common vision in the relationship, which is what are your goals, boundaries, and expectations when it comes to all these things in your life? And one of those is finances. What are the stories that you’ve told yourself? When it comes to finances? What are your expectations? When it comes to finances? You know, in 2023, we have more freedom than ever to choose who we want to be, who we want to be in a relationship with, and what kind of life we want to have. So when you get into a relationship, you have to be very clear. Who do you expect to make the money? Who is going to handle the money? You know, because there is no right or wrong. This is one of the things that I think a lot of people are struggling to understand nowadays. There is no right or wrong. So a lot of couples now they’re confused because we have this freedom. So is the man supposed to make the money is the woman supposed to contribute? You know who is going to control who’s going to and there is no right or wrong in my relationship.
For example, my husband and I, we share finances. We have one bank account, we put all of borrow money in there and we buy whatever it is that we want, we trust each other, we trust that the other person is going to buy something that they need or something that they really want, respecting, you know, our budget and things like that. But some people will look at that and say, No, I don’t want to do that. Well, perfect. You know, there is no right or wrong. The only person that has to agree with you is your partner. Yeah, so very important when you’re going into the relationship. What are your expectations when it comes to money? And what does that mean? So for example, you know, if you have a husband and wife and the husband is going out and making the money, what are the expectations that the wife does? And are those seen as the same, right, because we have a lot of couples where the husband will go out and make the money and the wife will stay at home as a stay-at-home wife, you know, she’ll take care of the house and do all those things. But in some instances, he’ll still have more power, even though she’s working as much as he is. So you have to be very clear with your partner. How do we contribute equally? What will that look like for us? And why is it important to us? Not because what our parents did not because it’s what society told us to, but because it makes sense to us.
So again, in my relationship, we asked ourselves, what makes sense to us, and we share everything else, we are going to have a child, and we’re probably going to adopt next next year, which is super exciting. And so we have this idea that we’re going to share everything, why wouldn’t we share finances, again, that’s not going to sit well for everyone. But that’s okay. Because the only person in my relationship that has to agree with me, is my partner. So you have to be very, very clear about the boundaries, the expectations, the goals in the relationship, when it comes to all the the aspects of your life, including finances,
Dr. Sev
Yes, it boils right back down to communication, you have to really communicate. Because as you said, society has expectations, your parents has expectations, or they’re telling you how to manage your money. His parents may have instructions and advice regarding how you manage your money. But only the two people or in this relationship are in control, or should be in control of how that money is managed. And if one person, and that’s where I think financial abuse comes in, because if one person doesn’t really understand finances, and don’t make an effort to learn, or they’re excluded from the decision making around their money, that they don’t know, they’re signing, tax returns, they don’t know what’s on the tax returns. They don’t know what accounts are opened, they don’t know what retirement accounts are available. They don’t know any of that. So it really comes down to communication and having the best interest of the family unit. And then I’m saying that from my experience. Now being an ex, because we didn’t have that we did not have the best interest of the front of family unit, I managed the money. But if you’re going to spend and send money to whoever you want, and not let me know, and it’s time for me to pay the bills. And I don’t have what’s there to pay the bills, were missing the mark. And as you said, Yes, that is true.
Finances is not the reason for itself is not the reason for the divorce. But the things that occur because of the lack of communication when it comes to finances. And then it leads to other things like stress, it leads to mismanagement of money meet leads to all these other things, then ends up being the cause of divorce. So, talk to me a little bit more about some of the things that you encountered. As you know, you said you were abandoned at birth. And then here you are now a six-figure boss. So for those who are listening, it is possible. Okay, again, this shows about hope.
So talk to me a little bit about some of the things that you think helped you to become who you are even despite being abandoned, you know, some of the inner characteristics I would say, that you’ve developed to get you to where you are right now, so that somebody listening can say, okay, yeah, maybe I can try to find these things or maybe I can develop the skill set or maybe I can, you know, maybe I need therapy to get me or whatever it is share some some of the things that you discovered that helped you to get to where you are.
Railey Molinario
The two most important things that helped me on my journey were self awareness and self management. These are the first two pillars of relationship intelligence. So self awareness is being aware of who you are, what is going on inside of you. It’s being very clear with yourself about your triggers your traumas, your habits, your desires. It’s really having a PhD in me.
So when you have self awareness, you become the person who’s going to be in the driver’s seat of your life. So one of the things that was holding me back when I was younger, when I had that stress, and I had that anxiety, I was pointing my fingers saying, I’m not in the place that I need to be in my life because of you. Because, yeah, because my mother beat me because, you know, I didn’t have that love and support. And so look at what you’ve done to me. But the thing that I had to recognize was that we cannot control how other people act, we cannot control what happens to us. But we have 100% control of how we internalize it, right? So I had to really understand that, first of all, this isn’t personal. This isn’t personal, this isn’t anything about me, the world is full of good things and bad things and everything in between. So one of the things that I recognized was that people are abandoned, right? This I’m not the only person in the world who’s been abandoned. So it happens. And I had to not take it personally and recognize that people are abandoned. And I have to accept that that is a part of life, that bad things happen in life, bad things happen to good people. So I cannot take that personally. And when I started to really internalize the strength that I had, and recognize that that instance that happened to me does not define who I am. And just because that was my past, it doesn’t mean that this has to be my future.
And then I started to pull myself out of the depression and out of the anxiety, self awareness was the most important step because it’s the first step, it’s recognizing, okay, what are the thoughts that are going on in my head? Because I was thinking on a consistent basis, I’m not good enough. I’m not pretty enough. My life is going to be just like everyone else in my family, you know, I’m not going to be able to do all these amazing things. I hate my father, I hate my but I was constantly thinking these thoughts. And we have to recognize from the time we wake up to the time we go to bed, our mind is on autopilot. Oh, yes, I’ve been conscious of the thoughts that we’re thinking, we are thinking the same consistent thoughts day after day after day after day, without any awareness.
So that self awareness is checking in with yourself and saying, What am I thinking right now? How am I feeling right now? What is going on inside of me right now, if I start to feel frustrated, if I start to feel angry, if I start to feel sad, being able to recognize that as quickly as possible.
The second pillar to that is the self management. Just because I’m frustrated, just because I’m angry doesn’t mean I have to act a certain way. I was out of control. When I got angry, I would throw things I would yell and I would throw things like a five year old child, because that was my way of releasing the stress. And you can say, Yeah, you know, it does relieve the stress. But is there a better, more productive way that’s going to take me life that I want, rather than feed into that negativity?
So the self management is how can I then manage those emotions in a way that’s going to benefit me? How can I manage the situation that I’m in right now, in a way that’s going to propel me letting go of what happened to me stop living in my pity party, right, and saying, This is what happened to me. But now I’m an adult. Now I have choices. Now I have options. And I am in the driver’s seat of my life, and I’m going to make something amazing out of it. So recognise this is where I am, this is how I feel. But this is what I want. And if I write my name on that, there’s no one who’s going to stop me from having it.
Dr. Sev
Yeah, I love that you said, self awareness and self management. Because, you know, bad things happen to all of us. What do you do with that experience? How do you make that experience work for you? Because we’re not the first we will not be the first, who will not be the last who have bad things happen to us. So I really love that. So talk to us about your signature program, and some of the pillars of that program and how it can help someone who’s listening today.
So when people come into my community, the first thing that I asked them is, when did you learn how to have a thriving relationship? It’s something that you want, right? You want to be happily dating or happily married? You know, you want to have a family you want to thrive? When did you learn how to have a successful relationship? And they’ll think for a second because it’s kind of a strange question. And I’ll ask them did your parents teach you did they sit you down, open a book and say this is the formula for success? And they’ll think, Well, no. Did you take a class in school called relationship intelligence, where they teach you the same way? They teach you math and science and reading and writing? Did they teach you how to have a thriving relationship, step by step based on a formula that was proven by science? And they’ll take what we’ll know. And it will, where did you learn and we recognize, again, that awareness, we recognize that we have been set up for failure, that if you want to thrive at something, you have to learn how to do it, you learn based on science based on fact, not based on rumor or based on, you know, just this fleeting feeling. So we do have a formula for successful relationships that have been based on science, we’ve been able to research successful and unsuccessful relationships. So there is a concrete formula, but nobody knows it, because we’re not teaching it.
And so with the power couple PhD program, I teach my students exactly how to have a thriving relationship, step by step with this proven formula includes things like how to have effective communication, because a lot of people, most people are struggling with communication. They say, you know, I, I’m a great communicator, but my partner isn’t. And the question is, in your relationship, do you have effective communication? Or do you not because if one person does and the other person doesn’t, the relationship doesn’t, right. So together as a couple, we have to have effective communication, have to have a problem solving technique.
Problems are a part of life, you know, as I said, they just are when you are born, except that problems are going to happen until the day you die. That’s called life. Problems are not the problem themselves. It’s the inability to solve the problems with grace with patience with love, that allows us to suffer. So I teach couples exactly how to create 100% fight free relationships. So zero fighting in their relationships. Again, we were going off of things that we’ve heard in society, things that we’ve seen on TV, and we think, Oh, fighting is just normal, you know, it’s just a normal part of relationships. Well, it’s normal in the sense that most couples are fighting. But it’s not ideal. And it’s not necessary. You can have a relationship with zero fighting, if you learn a technique. So the power couple PhD is just jam packed with juicy information, following that formula for success.
Dr. Sev
Oh, awesome. Thank you so much. So I would like for you to share with us where they can find you, or your social media. And I can just put it on the banner here. So I can stream it across here. So someone who’s going to be watching the replay will be able to see it. And I also put it in the show notes on the podcast.
Railey Molinario
So I am on Instagram and Facebook, it’s Railey Molinario, if you can spell it, you can find me a little bit of a unique name. And then I consistently run a contest on my website, Raileymolinario.com. It is to enter to win one free month of relationship coaching. So if you go to Raileymolinario.com, you can pop your email into that popup window and you will be entered to win.
Dr. Sev
Okay, and there is her name right. Let me make sure I spell it correctly. Because I was typing in the rough. Yes, I did. Okay, there is her name. And for those who are going to be listening on the podcast, it will be in the show notes. Railey, there’s so much more we could talk about, but we’ll kind of wrap it up here. And let me know if there’s any final thoughts that you would like to share with our listeners and our viewers.
Railey Molinario
I would like everyone to just really truly understand that this life is for you to live. There’s a difference between being alive and living. And for so many years, I was alive. I had air in my lungs. I had blood in my veins, but I wasn’t living. And the only difference between me and someone who feels that they’re suffering is just getting that information. It’s getting that information of how do I do this step by step. But if you have an idea, if you have a goal, if you have a vision, write your name on it, and do not take no for an answer.
Dr. Sev
Okay, that sounds good. And I’m putting that bracket again to see on all social media because it’s had her name there. Yeah, there is. I think that is Sound Advice is, you know, really understanding that we all go through something and from what Railey is describing her program is one that will help those or couples help you to learn how to communicate because again, we all have issues, but the way we communicate around those issues is what’s going to make us successful or not. So Railey, thank you again.
I have another comment. Let me just See here, Stephanie saying that is so true, we all need to just live each day to the fullest. Yes. And as I get older, now in my 60s, I am learning things that I never learned before. And it’s not too late, as my book that’s on the way will tell you, it’s never too late to begin again. Okay? So I’ll be, I’m hoping that I have my book out by the end of this year. So you can learn that you can start over, it’s never too late to start over. It’s never too late to learn what you need to learn. And I’m sure that if you contact Railey, you will be able to get some of those messages. And you’ll be able to get some of those, what is the word, I’m looking for some of those tips or encouragement for you to know that it’s never too late to learn what we need to learn. And even if you’ve been divorced, you enter that new relationship with the idea that this one will work because now I’m learning how to communicate. And even if you are the one that learns how to communicate and the other person doesn’t, then you can learn how to sit down and start having those boundaries, creating those rules for your relationship, those roles for your relationship, whatever it is. And if not, you don’t have to be what society says. It’s what you make it because you’re the one going to leave that relationship. Mommy, brother and sister on too many relationships been destroyed, because we listen to somebody else outside of the relationship. So I hope this has been educational. And Railey I thought I saw you like you’re going to say something. So anything you want to say?
Railey Molinario
Yeah, just that, you know, we’re raising the bar on what thriving relationships are. So again, we’re not having the relationships that we that we see on TV or in society, we are raising the bar, because it’s a 100% possible to have a fight free relationship to have a relationship that’s connected and fun and exciting. And that allows you to create the life that you deserve to create. So we are raising that bar as you said, it’s never ever ever too late.
Dr. Sev
Yeah. And you said that you said something else. We keep going on right? You said the life you deserve. I don’t care who you are. I don’t care what you’ve been through. You deserve the best. Who deserve to build the live your best life. You live deserve to have the best. You deserve to be the best. And it doesn’t matter if you’ve made mistakes in the past. You still deserve the best
