To say that these last few years have been life-changing would be an understatement for many of us, myself included. The loss of loved ones has rocked my world and forced me to look deeply at the foundations of my planning—or lack thereof. Inspired by personal experiences and the pressing need to lighten burdens for those we leave behind, I bring you this comprehensive guide: steps you can take to pre-plan and support your family and friends in the most challenging of times.
Life’s journey comes with its share of unexpected twists and turns, and the best we can do for ourselves and our loved ones is to prepare as much as possible. Taking these steps to address funeral pre-planning, caregiving, and legal and financial preparations can provide a significant degree of peace and security. Join us in our upcoming sessions as we continue to explore these vital topics and answer your questions. Let’s make the journey a little lighter for those we care about.
Thank you for being with me on this path of thoughtful planning and support. Continually coordinate with your family, legal advisors, and caregiving resources to ensure nothing is left to chance. Let’s strive for a future where difficult times are met with preparedness and compassion.
The Dr. Sev Talks Money podcast’s mission is to empower women to approach money confidently, reframe their financial habits, and build a future where their money is a tool for opportunity and security.
Through Dr. Sev Talks Money YouTube channel and Podcast, I provide actionable advice and inspiration to help you achieve financial freedom. Join me for one-on-one coaching, group sessions, workshops, or speaking engagements as we journey to financial empowerment together.
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Keywords
pre-planning funeral services, local funeral homes, burial preferences, funeral attire, funeral service type, caregiver burnout, respite care, caregiver support groups, caregiving resources, family caregiving discussions, legal and financial preparation, digital legacy protection, social media account closure, financial education, financial management, live streams, audience engagement, legal documents, will and trust, power of attorney, healthcare proxy, living will, estate attorney, financial and asset organization, account inventory, beneficiary designations, title transfer, emergency fund, asset tracking, digital executor
Transcript
Dr. Sev:
Hello, everyone, and welcome to another episode of the Dr. Sev Talks. Money, YouTube and podcast. I am so happy that you’re here. Today’s episode is one that came about because of the recent deaths in my family. I was driving back from Orlando last night with my sister and I thought about the fact that within two months we had three deaths in our family and close family members, and thinking about all the things that we possibly need to put in place so that if we were to pass away, our family members would not have to struggle with these things. In addition to grieving, what are the things that we can put, plan ahead, put in place so that when we pass away, because we will, death is inevitable. What are the things that we can put in place so that we can prepare our family members? So this is why this episode came about.
Dr. Sev:
We’re going to be discussing five categories. Legal preparations, financial organization, digital legacy, funeral, pre planning, and caregiving. Now, I mentioned alluding to the fact that there are emotional fallout when it comes to preparing for a loved one’s passing. And in addition to a major illness, what pre planning does is it ease the burdens on those loved ones that are left back because they’re dealing with the emotions of and the grief around this person passing away. And then they have to deal with all the paperwork and all the things that come about when, you know, with a death. Not only that, if somebody were to get really, really ill and they’re not able to articulate their concerns or their desires, loved ones are left scrambling trying to determine what their family members want. So I’m hoping that at the end of this session, after I’ve gone through the five areas and I’m going to give you some action, action steps to take at the end of each session, each section, to help you get organized. This is not a fun topic.
Dr. Sev:
It is not a topic that brings joy, but it is a topic that is very much needed. Before I jump into the topic, I want to also remind you or reassure you that what we’re discussing here are practical starting points. They are not exhaustive details. This is not going to be a deep dive into every topic, but it’s a starting point that will help you prepare. What I’m going to be doing also in the future is bring experts in, like real estate attorneys, all the different categories that we’re going to discuss here. I’m going to bring in some experts so we can provide in depth guidance on these topics because again, they’re not fun, but they’re necessary. So the first thing I want to talk about are legal documents that we need to have in place. We need to have a will or trust.
Dr. Sev:
Why do we need those? Because we want to ensure our assets are distributed as we want them to be distributed. And it also helps to avoid family disputes. You’ve probably heard of members of one family. One person may be married, they got divorced, they married someone else, and all the things that happen because they did not change their who they want to inherit their assets. And we’re going to talk a little bit more about that later. But you want to ensure that your assets are distributed as you desire. And some people think, well, I don’t have an estate. Yes you do.
Dr. Sev:
If you have a tv, you have a bed, you have a dresser, you have a car, you have a cup, you have a mug, you have a plate, you have an estate, you have assets that you need to ensure goes to the right people. Because you and I know when someone dies, all of a sudden those old broken down things become a big hot topic of discussion in the family. So we want to create a will or trust to ensure that our assets are set up to go to who we want them to go to. Another document to have in place is a power of attorney. A power of attorney allows you to appoint someone to make financial or legal decisions if you are incapacitated. So God forbid I should have a stroke and I can’t talk. I need to already have someone in place to know my wishes when it comes to my financial and legal decisions around my illness. What is it that I want to happen if I am not able to speak for myself? A power of attorney helps with that.
Dr. Sev:
The other document that you may want to consider to put in your legal category of documents is a health care proxy. You want to designate someone to make medical decisions on your back. We’ve seen the stories in the news of people who were on life support and there had been a legal battle because one set of people said they need to get off the life support. Another person said a group in the family said, no, they need to stay on there. We don’t know what that person wants. So we’re battling out even going to court to make that decision. Well, if we have a healthcare proxy on file, we already designate what we want to happen in the event we are not able to speak for ourselves when it comes to medical decisions. The other thing you want to consider is a living will.
Dr. Sev:
A living will is something that give you preferences for document your preferences for life sustaining treatments such as resuscitation or ventilators. Do you want to be on a ventilator, do you want to say, okay, if this happens to me, just let me run the natural course and let me die, or do you want to be resuscitated? Do you want your heart to be pumped again? All of those things are difficult decisions for people to make on your behalf if they don’t know what you want. And there’s always going to be someone that says, this is what we think she wants, and another group is going to say, this is what we think she wants, and it’s going to be opposite. And there’s that fight going on. While you should be working to get your loved one in a healthy place, get them to get the help they need medically, we’re fighting about what it is that should happen. But if you designate that, if you say, this is what I want to happen, and this is a person or persons, I want to make that decision and make that, have that conversation with them, then it’s less likely that you’re going to have that thought fight on your hand. So let’s not make it difficult for our loved one. So what are some action steps that you can take for preparing or getting legal documents in place? Consult an estate attorney, or you can use online tool to create basic documents.
Dr. Sev:
And even after you’ve used that online tool to create those documents, you, you may want to run that by an attorney because you want to make sure that there’s no language in there that causes problem. You don’t want any ambiguous language. You don’t want any language that’s unclear. You want it to be laid out very clearly what it is that you want your family members to do again, in the event that you die or you are incapacitated, you’re not able to say what it is that you want not to happen, because you cannot. You’re in a coma or something like that. So that is the section for legal documents that we need to have in place. At a minimum, the next section is financial and asset organization. How are you going to organize your finances and your assets? You want to do an account inventory, create a list of all financial accounts.
Dr. Sev:
And I know this seems like it’s tedious, you want to create list of utilities, subscriptions, debt, all of those things. Because here’s the thing, some of us have automatic payments set up, and if you were to pass away, those automatic payments are going to keep going. If you haven’t listed those out and have someone in place to know where those accounts are, what the passwords are, you’ve probably heard me share on this channel Before a couple of instances where people passed away and for years they were in their home and nobody knew they passed away. This one gentleman in particular in Texas, he worked with some Department of Education or Department of Defense or something he worked with and he traveled a lot. He passed away and for three years he was in his apartment until finally someone went for for whatever reason they went and checked on him and found that he had died. How did they know he had died three years ago? Because the medication that he was taking fell right where he was and the bottle was open and the date on the medication let them know he had died for three years. The reason that nobody checked? Well, it’s a long story. I don’t want to go into the details because his mom and his children were asking for, you know, the police and and other organizations to get involved.
Dr. Sev:
But the bottom line is during those three years these utilities was being paid, his break was being paid. All those that money was coming out of his account could have gone to his children. So you want to make sure you’re doing an account inventory, all of the financial accounts, utilities, subscriptions and debts, everything that you are paying for so someone can know to submit your debt certificate and stop the payments from going out so your family can enjoy the fruits of your labor. The other thing you want to consider in the financial and asset organization category is having beneficiary designations. You want to review and update your beneficiaries on life insurance policies, 401ks, IRAs, etc. Because here’s the thing, if you don’t do that, you are likely to end up having your documents and your estate going through probate. Now for those with very complex estate, you’re probably going to end up in probate anyway. But do the things that’s going to minimize that possibility.
Dr. Sev:
You’ve probably seen the news where people got married. Let’s say you got married person A and you divorced and then you married person B. You may not have had kids with person A, but in person B you have kids. When you created your life insurance policy or your 401k, you put the first person A, spouse A on that policy. Now you’re remarried to spouse B and you have kids with spouse B. If you have not updated those beneficiaries and if you have not made the changes when you die, person B will get nothing because all the documents, everything points to the beneficiary being person A fair to your kids, that’s not fair to your your current spouse. But you want to make sure your documents are updated such that if you were to remarry, change your name or anything like that, any change in circumstances, if you have additional children, you have updated your policies so that they can get the benefit of your hard work. For example, I am invested in some hotels and I get dividends for that.
Dr. Sev:
And if I don’t make it a part of my will, if I don’t document that I’m getting that, my daughter won’t know that I’m getting those dividends. And when they submit my death certificate and they close those accounts, where’s the dividend going to go? So now she may have to scramble, go to court, or do something to be able to get access to those dividends. So again, you want to think about all the things you know going back to the account inventory. What are those things that you need to consider that you need to make sure somebody knows about them and somebody can access those assets. The other thing I want to talk about under the financial and asset organization category is title transfer. What are the things that you own that are title? For example, your home, if you own your home, do you have a joint ownership? Do you have a transfer on death deed? Because those two things could help you avoid probate. So if you create a joint ownership or transfer on debt deed or some other kind of deed, check your state to see what your state requires so that when you pass away, your, your beneficiaries are not scrambling to figure out what they need to do to get those assets transferred into their name. And the other thing I want to talk about is emergency fund, making sure you have emergency fund for final expenses or any kind of expenses if you can.
Dr. Sev:
Because your life insurance may not pay out right away, so they may still need to pay the light bill, pay the water bill, do other things, especially if you have young children, they still need to do those things. So if you have some emergency funds set aside, then they’ll be able to access that, take care of those immediate needs until they can access your 401k, your life insurance policies and IRAs, etc. So this is your homework. Here’s your action step for making sure that your financial and assets are organized. Use a secure system, such as maybe a spreadsheet. I’m a spreadsheet geek. I love spreadsheets. So everything I do is spreadsheet.
Dr. Sev:
And it’s double top trouble, triple password protected. All right. I don’t like apps, but you can use apps to make sure you’re tracking your assets, making sure you’re Tracking the contacts. For example, you may have a life insurance policy. You want to say, okay, my life insurance policy is with progressive and it is 50,000, 150,000. Here is the person who you need to contact, here’s their phone number, things like that. So they have access to that spreadsheet or that app immediately. They’re able to look at it and see all the things that they need to make sure that your will, your wishes are carried out and they have access to the right things to carry out those wishes.
Dr. Sev:
Okay, so now we are on to the digital legacy. What does that mean? I’ve seen on LinkedIn several times co workers who I know have passed away years ago and reminders come up about their 55 year anniversary or other things. Other reminders come up even on Facebook. Those people have passed away a long time ago. So consider using a password manager that has emergency access features so that if you were to pass away, your beneficiaries, your family members can access your social media accounts and shut those down if that is your desire. The other thing too is you want to give them access. And you don’t have to give them the access right away. You can create a way for them to get the access when something happens to you.
Dr. Sev:
So creating that power of attorney with one or two persons being able to access all of that information is very, very helpful. And something I don’t think I mentioned earlier is you want to make sure that whoever you assign as your power of attorney for financial matters is not the same person that you, you assign as your, as the person who’s going to manage your medical decisions. Money say this all the time on this channel. Money causes people to act a fool. Even people who have a lot of money, they still act a fool when, when money is mentioned. Okay? And especially if they have spouses or friends or close family members who speak into their ear and tell them things that is against their nature. And then all of a sudden they start listening to that person and doing things that’s contrary to their nature. Listen, having these documents protect you and it protects your loved ones.
Dr. Sev:
So you want to have a separation of duties when it comes to the financial decisions and the medical decisions. Because you don’t want somebody who’s going to make a medical decision because it’s going to benefit them financially. I know you’re thinking, oh, that will never happen. Okay, it may, it may not. But why put yourself in the position for it to happen? So again, going back to digital subscriptions, streaming services, online memberships, if you have recurring Payments where money’s coming out of your account on a recurring basis. You want to make sure that’s listed somewhere so that your family members can access that. I don’t like people going into my account taking out money. But there are some accounts where I don’t have the option to tell them no, I will pay you.
Dr. Sev:
So because of that, if you are the opposite, where you have a lot of your money coming out automatically, you want to definitely want to make sure you have something in place to stop those payments and get things straightened out before they empty your account. Okay, so here’s your homework. Your action step is to designate a digital executor in your will to handle online accounts. So maybe you, as I said, you have somebody who is going to handle the financial aspect of your bit of your assets or your or your life. That person could be the digital executor because those, that person will be able to go into your account, shut off all those subscriptions, shut down your, your social media accounts, all of those things. So that ends your digital legacy. And I hope this is, this is helpful so far of some things for you to consider. And the next one is funeral pre planning.
Dr. Sev:
Now funerals are expensive, okay? And they’re getting more expensive every day. You want to think about what are those things that you can prepay possible possibly can you get financial insurance, funeral insurance for those to cover the expense of your funeral. Is your life insurance going to cover your funeral expenses? So think about the cost of funerals and how you may want to handle the after your death burial versus cremation. Which one do you want to do? You want to talk about those things? I know for me cremation because I want my daughter to have all of my money. I do not want the courts to have my money. I do not want the lawyers to have my money. I want my daughter to reap the benefit of my hard work. So I already said I want cremation.
Dr. Sev:
So I’ve already acknowledged us what I want. Then there of course their cultural and religious preferences. Most people in the African American community like the idea of cremation. Well, you know, whatever it is that you are going to make a decision about, you want to consider the cost. And how can you, you know, as you consider the cost, how can you ensure that your wishes will be carried out based on the cost and, and what it is that you want, you want to write down, share your plans with loved ones. What is it that you want to happen? Document those wishes because that’s going to help reduce Stress during the emotional times because people are dealing with the emotion and the grief of your passing or your illness and at the same time they have to deal with the practical things. Usually people are not thinking clearly when it comes to dealing with those things because there’s so much emotion tied up with them. Trying to work on the, you know, getting you buried or getting you in the hospital, making sure you have the medication you need, all of those things.
Dr. Sev:
So what is the action step for this category? I recommend that you explore local funeral homes for pre preplanning services. What are those pre planning services that you can put in place right now? Where do you want to be buried? How do you want to be buried? What dress do you want to be buried? What pants, what shirt, what suit do you want to be buried in? Do you want to be have your service at a church? Do you want it at the funeral home? Do you want to have a repass? Or maybe you just want to be buried and cremated like me. I mean, I don’t want a lot of fanfare over my funeral. I know family would want to come see and you know, pay last respects. I understand that. So we want to have a service and then cremation. But for somebody else, they may want to have a lot of things going on for their burial. What is it that you want? Put that in writing, share it with someone so that they can do those pre planning services so things will flow smoothly once you passed away.
Dr. Sev:
All right, so the last category is caregiving and emotional support. If in the event that it wasn’t about death, it’s maybe that you had a stroke or you had some kind of illness where you can’t talk or you can’t walk or something. Whoever is taking care of you can end up burnt out. So how can you put plan in place or discuss with your family members how, how they can help whoever’s taking care of you not be burned out. You know, maybe somebody could come in for a week and say, okay, we’ll do all the take everything that needs to be done. Go ahead and take a vacation or go ahead and go do a massage or whatever. Just how can we help make sure that caregivers don’t burn out? Understand that sometimes caregivers may need counseling or they may have to do some kind of take part in some kind of support group depending on the illness. For example cancer, sometimes it’s a long lasting illness.
Dr. Sev:
So there are support groups for that. Making sure that caregivers are taking care of their emotional and mental well being while they’re doing the caregiving. There are a lot of community resources. There are local national resources for caregivers, caregiving and grief support. So we want to take advantage of it more than anything. This is your action step. Encourage families to have candid, honest, real, compassionate conversations early about expectations around caregiving and emotional support. Now let me just do a quick reaching out.
Dr. Sev:
We talked about legal prep. What are the legal things you need to consider? What are the financial things you need to organize? What are those things that you need to organize so that your family members can have what they need to ensure a smooth transition whether it’s illness or death? We talked about digital legacy. What are those digital things that you may need to share with family members so that when you are passed away, your social media accounts are not still open? Because you know, here’s the thing too that you may not consider if your accounts are open. There is prime candidate for someone to take your account and perform fraud. So you want to protect yourself and your family members. And then we talked about a little bit about funeral planning and about caregiving. Now I’m going to share some additional resources. I don’t have it with me today because as I said, I was driving from Florida last night with my sister and I start thinking about all of these things because I had three family members passed away within two months.
Dr. Sev:
And so I started thinking about all of these things. Do I have everything that I need to have in place? I just updated my will. I just did some other things to make sure that my daughter will be protected and covered. But I’m thinking, do I have enough? And then I start thinking about my audience. Do does my audience know to start planning these things? And again, it’s not sexy, it’s not fun, but it’s needed. Think about Aretha Franklin. Think about, think about James Brown, all those people who what their estate wasted so much money on. Lawyers, okay? Lawyers are going to get those fees.
Dr. Sev:
Why not have your family get those fees by preparing ahead of time, right? So what we’re going to do also is we’re going to be having some experts come in for more in depth guidance in each of those categories that we just talked about. So keep an eye out for that. It’s probably going to be in January that we’re going to have experts come in and just provide some more guidance on all of these topics because they’re necessary. So thank everyone for attending today and come back tomorrow at 7:00pm Eastern Time when my guest is going to be Nia Adams. She is a certified financial education instructor. We’re going to be talking about overcoming money mistakes and setting financial boundaries. So again, come back Tomorrow, same time, 7:00pm Eastern Time on I’m going to be sharing live on LinkedIn and YouTube and NIA is going to be joining me and we’re going to be diving deep into overcoming money mistakes and setting financial boundaries. Thanks again everyone who showed up today.
Dr. Sev:
I really, really do appreciate you. And let me check the comments to see okay. Beverly said, hi, sorry I’m late joining. Oh that’s okay, Beverly. You can always access the replays. And Clarine, thank you so much for for joining us today. My condolences to you for the passing of your family members in a short period of time. Thank you so much.
Dr. Sev:
And you know, that’s one of the reasons why I’m so passionate about making sure this happens for everyone because since I had a completely different topic planned for my live stream tonight, I planned to do a series of live stream from December 1st through the 24th with guests at some of those live streams. And this was not the topic. But with with life happening, you just have to pivot sometimes. So thank you all for coming and thank you for your comment. I appreciate all of you. Please again come back tomorrow at 7pm to join my special guest when we’re going to talk Money Talk. And if you have questions, please put them in the chat so that we can address them throughout the rest of the livestream, whether tomorrow or in the weeks to come. With that, take care and I’ll see you.
