In this episode, my guest and I are diving into two critical topics: overcoming money mistakes and setting financial boundaries. Whether you’re looking to recover from past financial setbacks or learn how to say “no” to protect your financial goals, this conversation is for you.
Key Topics We’ll Cover:
✅ How to recover and grow from common money mistakes.
✅ Steps to create and enforce financial boundaries with family and friends.
✅ Strategies for turning financial setbacks into valuable lessons.
✅ Tips for communicating boundaries without guilt or conflict.
About Our Guest:
Nia Adams is a Certified Financial Education Instructor and the visionary behind Perspectives, a personal finance education brand dedicated to helping individuals build healthy money habits. Nia provides practical solutions to real-life financial challenges, helping individuals, particularly women, overcome barriers to achieve financial stability. Her work focuses on driving economic development by fostering environments where financial education is accessible, engaging, relatable, and transformative. Her work continues to shape conversations around financial literacy and economic inclusion, making her a sought-after leader in creating pathways to financial success. You can find her @moneyperspectives on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, Facebook and Threads. Find her on LinkedIn here: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nia-a-0b485b58/
The Dr. Sev Talks Money’s mission is to empower women to approach money confidently, reframe their financial habits, and build a future where their money is a tool for opportunity and security.
Through Dr. Sev Talks Money YouTube channel and Podcast, I provide actionable advice and inspiration to help you achieve financial freedom. Join me for one-on-one coaching, group sessions, workshops, or speaking engagements as we journey to financial empowerment together.
It’s never too late to begin again—let’s make it happen!
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Transcript
Dr. Sev:
Hey, hey, hey, savvy squad. Welcome to another episode of the Doctor Said talks money, YouTube and podcast. I have a special guest with me today, but before I introduce her, I want to remind you of our mission. Our mission is to empower women to approach money confidently, to reframe their financial habits, and to build a future where money is a tool for opportunity and security. Now our special guest is Nia Adams. She is a certified financial education instructor. And today we are going to talk about all things overcoming money mistakes and setting financial boundaries. So with that, Nia, welcome to the Dr. Sev talks money podcast. I need to add you to the stage.
Nia Adams:
Hello. Hello.
Dr. Sev:
So, Nia, I want you to tell us a little bit about who you are and what you do.
Nia Adams:
So I’m Nia Adams, your coins confidant. And what I do is I help high achieving women overcome money mistakes, transform their spending habits so they can achieve wealth with confidence.
Dr. Sev:
Okay, awesome. And later, we’re going to be sharing Nia’s all of her contact information where you can find her all over social media so you can follow her and learn from her, get be part of her program or whatever it is that she’s putting on. So, Nia, I have a few questions for you. And one of the first questions, since we’re talking about money mistakes, one of the first questions that I have for you is what do you think is one of the most common financial mistakes that people make?
Nia Adams:
I would say it’s we make a lot of them. But I think the biggest one we make is that we suffer alone, you know, because of the shame and because, you know, we feel like, oh, we can’t share this because what will they say, what will they think? You know, what will they think of me? We suffer alone. We don’t talk about it to anybody. We go in silence. When there are probably programs or just even having support during a time like that is very important, but we’ll just suffer and continue to dig the hole and avoid actually starting the process to take on the money mistake.
Dr. Sev:
Yeah, I totally agree. Because when we do that, we think we are the only one going through that. Right. And so we stay isolated and when we could have help, there’s so many avenues for help, but we never tap into them because we think we’re the only one. So, yeah, I can see that. So what are some things that they can do to begin to recover from those financial mistakes?
Nia Adams:
So first I want to say as a recovering sufferer in silence myself, the first thing that I had to do is give myself Grace. I had to learn to give myself grace and accept the fact that when I started learning how to ride a bike, did I get it the first time? Like, the first time I got on that bike, did I get on there and just go down the street? Like, no, I had to learn it. It was a process. Maybe I fell off, I scrapped my knee. Understand that it’s going to be a process and give yourself grace. That it’s not going to happen overnight. You’re not going to become an expert overnight. And that’s completely, completely okay.
Nia Adams:
And then just being honest, like, and then the next thing we have to do is we have to take a clear picture at what it is we’re dealing with because I can’t tackle something that I don’t know is there. So we have. And that’s a big invulnerable step that a lot of people have a problem with because it’s like, okay, now that I’m looking at it now it’s really real. Like now, now I’m uncomfortable. And you know, we don’t like sending that uncomfort. So I think that those are the first two steps right there. Before you do anything, stop and give yourself grace because you’re human.
Dr. Sev:
Yeah. So many gems. So many gems. Yes, we all. There’s not one person on this earth who has not made financial mistakes.
Nia Adams:
None.
Dr. Sev:
I don’t know why society makes it seems like it’s taboo to talk about money or to talk about the things that we’ve done that we wish we hadn’t done. Because yes, there’s a learning curve and there is lesson to be learned from every mistake that we make. But we are not isolated and we shouldn’t isolate ourselves. Find the group that you feel comfortable with because they are there. They exist. Nia has programs where she does a paid and free services. And if you are wanting to join in her group, go ahead and do that. This is a no shame zone.
Dr. Sev:
Okay. Because both of us are recovering and I say recovering. We’re not recovered. We’re recovering from our financial mistakes. And as we grow and we learn, we are sharing other people. So if that’s you, please join a group that you can share what you’re going through to help you recover from those mistakes because they’re all recoverable. Is that a word? Yes, it’s a word.
Nia Adams:
Today we’re making it a word.
Dr. Sev:
Yes. So, all right, so let’s talk about turning setbacks into comebacks. And I know you and I could talk about that all day because again, we are the prime example of that. Right, but can you share an example of a client or even your personal story where you turn a financial mistake into a valuable learning experience? Experience.
Nia Adams:
So I can do both, but I talk about my client first because I love, like to see people make the transformation and have, like, those aha moments. So I have a client. We’ll call her Monica. We call her Monica. So Monica is my client. And Monica, she looks good on paper. So, you know, she looks good on paper. She checks all the boxes.
Nia Adams:
We’ll say, and so the one people on the outside would think that Monica has it all together, everything’s intact. In reality, Monica never learned about personal finance. She grew up being the older sibling. So she was used to being the only person, like people look to her as the one in the family who had it all together. So she took that burden on herself. So as a result, not only was she struggling with her finances, she was giving out money and helping other people because she felt obligated to do so. And so the aha moment that we. I helped her realize is that one calculating that money that’s going out to other places and how far it’s setting her back on her own goals.
Nia Adams:
Her having the aha moment to realize that at the end of it, a lot of it dated back to her lack of confidence. And she wanted to be like the savior. She wanted to be the one who was helping others and doing that. So that’s what was causing her to continue give money, even though her wallet was over there crying, telling her, no, don’t do it. You know what I mean? So for me, that, that aha moment was for her, because once she realized that, she actually signed up back for therapy. So not with me, because I’m not a therapist, but she actually ended up going to therapy so she can work on her confidence because it was translating in how she was using her money and she had to learn that powerful word, no.
Dr. Sev:
Oh, my. It was a lot of growth, though.
Nia Adams:
Because she realized that her dishing out money was only dragging her like her goal was here. And she was steady moving further and further back, feeling frustrated, overwhelmed. So it was a necessary revelation. We’ll say that.
Dr. Sev:
Yes. Man, you said something about the savior complex. A lot of us have it.
Nia Adams:
Yeah.
Dr. Sev:
Especially when we are the ones who are maybe more successful, quote, unquote, in our family. And we feel so obligated to reach back and. And give to the detriment of our financial futures. But there is a reason why they say in the airplane, put your own Mask on first before you can help somebody else. And I think the same applies to our finances, where we need to make sure that we are in a good place before we try to help other people, because then we’re derailing ours and theirs because we’re not healthy in our financial approach. We’re not healthy in our finances. So that. That is so awesome that you share that.
Dr. Sev:
And I’m glad that your client was able to. To realize that in order to help.
Nia Adams:
And it was a relief for her because she was also the oldest sibling. So she had that on top of being. You know, sometimes when you’re the oldest, you have, like, additional responsibilities or you’re looked at. Is this your. It’s your responsibility to help do this like you are the one in the family?
Dr. Sev:
Yes. And you also mentioned therapy, which is. Which I want to bring up. I’m going to be having some therapists, too, on the program in December and maybe January, because that is such a needed thing, along with our finances, coupling our financial education and financial literacy and the coaching with finances, along with getting the therapy. It is so very powerful to couple those, because the therapy help us understand the underlying reasons why we do what we do. Because nobody gets up and say, I want to file bankruptcy or I want to be bankrupt. Nobody gets up and say, I don’t want to save money or I want to be in debt. Nobody gets up and say that.
Dr. Sev:
But understanding why we make decisions that are counter to our goals, getting into therapy, financial therapy, and understanding that can only be a tool that will help us, you know, be our better, our best selves. So I’m glad that you mentioned that she also went to financial therapy.
Nia Adams:
She did. She did. And she’s definitely a better person because of it.
Dr. Sev:
Awesome. So I still have more questions. So we talk. We. We said this. This section is about overcoming money mistakes and setting financial boundaries. So let’s talk about. Well, before we do that, let’s talk about the shame cycle.
Dr. Sev:
Let’s talk about breaking that cycle. Many people feel embarrassed about their past money mistakes. So you shared some things. What are some other things that they can do to overcome that shame and take positive action to understand that they’re not alone. And this shame is something that is manufactured, really, based on society, based on movies, based on what social media says, based on what some of these gurus that are not qualified to speak about personal finance because they’ve never been trained, but they have a big audience and they say these things that really make, you know, contribute to the shame that people to that people feel. So let’s go back to the question many people again feel embarrassed about.
Nia Adams:
No, I understand. That’s the soapbox of mine too. Like, it’s like, come on, like they’re making it worse.
Dr. Sev:
Yes, they are, because they’re not trained. They have a big audience, but they’re not trained to, to work with people in on their personal finance. But you know, that’s a story for another day. So what are some things that they can do to overcome that shame and take positive action?
Nia Adams:
So one of the things I do to let people know that they’re not alone when I talk to my clients is think about the timeline. And so a lot of my clients are women. So one of the things that I teach them is women didn’t get the ability to have a credit card or bank account on their own without a co signer until 50 years ago.
Dr. Sev:
Yes, that’s it. Yes.
Nia Adams:
So when my mother was born, she couldn’t have a bank account. And so for those of you my age, younger, older at the time, 50 years ago, obviously she wasn’t able to focus on budgeting. You know, she was surviving and you know, trying to make sure that she got by. So to think that at this point you should be an expert already is putting a lot of unnecessary pressure on yourself. The next thing is a lot of us didn’t learn. And I don’t say it to make it a blame game, like not as a point to say, oh, well, they should have taught me or this person should have taught me, but more so in a sense of, okay, I don’t know. So how can I, again, how can I expect myself to be an expert at this? And then next, I do feel like it is just now becoming, I guess not popular, but more well known that it’s not just about budgeting, it’s not just about getting money, that there are a lot of childhood traumas and other things that affect how we move with money. So to me, just realizing those three things in the beginning makes you feel like, oh, so like, you know, wow, like, so you definitely not alone.
Nia Adams:
There’s definitely millions that can walk strong with you. So knowing that I think also takes a little bit of the pressure off. Two, you got to get in a community of like minded individuals who are not going to discourage you, who are not, you know, talking bad because you’re not doing this thing because you’re on a budget this month. You know, people who are also leveling up, people who are where you want to be because real money, I was having this conversation today, you can’t see it. You can’t see real money, you can’t see real wealth. So it’s hard to figure out who that person is. It’s hard to see who those people are. So you need definitely a level of discernment, you know?
Dr. Sev:
Yeah. Yeah, man, she is dropping gems. Okay. She is dropping gems. Okay, So I have a couple more questions for you. So let’s talk about the financial barriers or boundaries. What are some practical steps that people can take to communicate financial boundaries with family and friends and especially during the holidays.
Nia Adams:
I don’t got it.
Dr. Sev:
Yeah, that works too, right?
Nia Adams:
So for one, the things that I, you know, sometimes if you’re a gift giving person and you love to give gifts, but maybe financially you just don’t have it. You don’t have to give all the gifts. Like, I know it’s on the calendar, I know the calendar say December 25th, but you’re the CEO of your wallet and you can decide to give gifts whenever you want to give gifts. So giving, taking control over when you give gifts. Because I don’t know about you, Dr. Sam, but if I get a gift on Monday, I’m not gonna be like, oh my God, this is not on Christmas. I am not going to take this gift from you today. I can’t believe you know what I’m saying? So just owning the fact that if you don’t have it, you don’t have it, and being more strategic about how you give gifts as a whole.
Nia Adams:
Looking for sentimental gifts, things that really are from the heart, but maybe not super expensive. Setting a budget for how many people. Maybe all the children get gifts. Maybe we’re doing Secret Santa this year as opposed to every person get a gift. Maybe we’re writing each other letters, we’re making crafts, you know, just getting creative. Sometimes shopping the day after the holiday, especially if there’s somebody that you’re not going to see until after Christmas, why do they have to get their gift bought while all the prices are the highest, wait till they’re 75% off, you know, so that you can get that gift at a lower price for just regular. Every day, not around the holidays. One, you have to realize your why.
Nia Adams:
So you’re saying no. But why are you saying no? You saying no because you’re choosing you. And so especially if somebody, if giving to somebody is hindering your finances and you continue to give, you’re teaching them that they come before you and you’re teaching them that it’s okay. And that’s the Normal order or order of operation. And it’s not, you should come first. So you don’t want to create that behavior to think that that’s just how it’s supposed to go. I can keep going, but like, I don’t want to keep, you know, girl.
Dr. Sev:
You are dropping gems. Okay? People need to realize that they’re the CEO of their own wallet. And you don’t allow society or family or any of those to derail your finances because you know what it is that you have in your bank account, you know what you can afford. So you understand based on that. And that allows somebody to get you into derailing your finances because they don’t know and they don’t care either.
Nia Adams:
Correct, Correct. And I do understand, like we live in a society where social media is telling us to compete to, you know, keep up with the Joneses and compete with the Johnsons. And I understand that that’s what society is telling us. We can’t walk 5 minutes or scroll 5 minutes without seeing an ad. So we’re constantly getting like marketing and ad shoved down our throats. So I understand that. But that’s where it’s like you’re going to have to start to have that discipline. Because none of them are at work with you when you tired, none of them when you peeling yourself out of bed in the morning, where they at?
Dr. Sev:
Okay. And when your bills are due, where they, where they at?
Nia Adams:
They’re not there. And so, and especially if it gets to the point where you’re late on your bills, you’re trying to figure out how you’re going to pay something, but you’re still giving gifts. I feel like that’s when it’s like you got to have a come hither moment with yourself. Like, okay, this, this is not going to be my normal. Not for me.
Dr. Sev:
Yeah. And that’s where, you know, again, financial therapy comes in because it helps us to. Some of us are givers, natural givers. We are just using impact. We are, we’re, you know, we don’t want to see anybody else suffer even to the detriment of our suffering. And that’s where therapy comes in. And a lot of us, a lot of our programs are our churches or her workplaces have programs. We just don’t take advantage of them.
Dr. Sev:
Find out from your HR people, find out whatever medical program you have. I am sure they have some kind of therapy where you can go in and ask for those for the help because that’s where you’re going to really need the, the hand holding for you to set those boundaries. Because if that’s not your natural inclination to have those boundaries because like me, I’m. I’ll be like, no, I ain’t doing it. I’m done. And I’m done. Because that’s my personality.
Nia Adams:
It flows off my tongue so, so easily.
Dr. Sev:
I choose my yes and I choose my no. Yeah, but not everybody’s like that.
Nia Adams:
No.
Dr. Sev:
So I am trying to teach my daughter the same thing is just because somebody gives you a gift doesn’t mean you have to in turn give them a gift. And it’s hard for people.
Nia Adams:
That’s what I was going to go to. That was one of my next ones. When somebody does something for you, there is no rule that says you have to immediately pay them back.
Dr. Sev:
Yes.
Nia Adams:
And receive the help. Acknowledge that you need other people and that it’s okay to receive help from others. And hyper independence also. That was the clue I was going to say.
Dr. Sev:
Yeah. I actually have a session coming up this month where I’m going to be talking about the dark side of reciprocity. Said that word right this time. The dark side of reciprocity. Because there is a dark side to that. And I want to talk about some things that traps us, where we find ourselves in that vein of reciprocity during the holiday. And there’s so many ways that come about, even a workplace. And so we have to be looking for those red flags.
Dr. Sev:
And that’s why listening to programs like these help us to start collecting those gems and those reminders. Because at the time this happens, you Remember, hey, remember Nia and Dr. Seb talking about that thing? Let me go back and look at that episode. Or let me. And remember, they said xyz. So feeding yourself and feeding your spirit and your mind with this kind of content can only help you help with those financial boundaries. And as you continue to listen and continue to feed your spirit, you get stronger and stronger and of course, financial therapy.
Nia Adams:
Yeah. Like me right now it’s the holidays. So I still work a 9 to 5. So everybody’s decorating their door. They’re having a door decorating contest. Then we got the holiday party. Then they got treat week and they have all these things. Only thing I’m participating in is the holiday party.
Nia Adams:
My door is bare, my office is bare. And it’s like, girl, where your decorations at the store where they will stay. I’m having a dinner. I didn’t decorate my house, but I’m having a dinner this Saturday. She’s like, are you gonna make it festive? I Said no. Take a good look around because this is the exact same living room you’re gonna see when you come for dinner. It’s about fellowship. It’s not about how festive my house looks.
Dr. Sev:
Yes.
Nia Adams:
That’s not why you’re coming.
Dr. Sev:
Yeah. And that competitive spirit, too. During the holidays or even for any vacation, any, you know, recreation and so many other things. There’s so many places where we can get trapped into spending more than we need to. And we’re going to. We’re going to be talking about this all through December and onwards, and I’m going to be sharing where you can follow Nia in a little bit. So I have, I have one more question, and this one is about navigating pushback. How can someone handle the guilt or resistance that comes when they try to enforce those new financial boundaries? Because you’re going to be guilty.
Dr. Sev:
Okay.
Nia Adams:
Like I was about my door.
Dr. Sev:
Yeah.
Nia Adams:
So eventually you’ll get to a point where you don’t care because you, Your, Your confidence level has boosted. You’re. You’re realizing the different parts and how they play into your journey. So you’ll, you’ll reach a point where you’re like. And whatever, because you know that at the end of the day, you are the one who has to fund it. And so when you’re looking at how to deal with pushback, I’m going to say for you to understand where the pushback is coming from. If I’ve been doing this for five years and now I’m deciding not to, that’s a change. And that’s something that they might, you know, be receiving, like, oh, why you don’t want to do it this year? So just have a little bit of understanding on that point.
Nia Adams:
Like, it doesn’t have to be, like, aggressive or anything like that. The next thing I’m going to say, again, it’s kind of. It might sound like a broken record, but remembering your why, you know, and so communicate it clearly. Make sure that they’re understanding you’re not just, oh, you know, but just like, no, I can’t do it, you know, and if they can’t understand you expressing that you can’t do something, I’m kind of giving, they should be getting a side eye anyway. But, you know, that’s just me. If I tell you I can’t do something and you’re like, oh, well, you need to, but I just told you I can’t.
Dr. Sev:
Yeah.
Nia Adams:
So now I have to slide out you. Because you’re not respecting my boundary. And so that’s what it really breaks down to.
Dr. Sev:
Yeah. And then they become a bully in your life because they’re trying to tell you could not do. And listen, babies, my money. Here’s the thing.
Nia Adams:
They probably already was a bully, but you had been giving into it. It didn’t seem like they were one because you were doing what they wanted you to do.
Dr. Sev:
Yes, yes.
Nia Adams:
So it might reveal a lot of things. Why you. It’s, I tell people all the time, personal finance is a soul searching self awareness journey. So you will realize some people that’s like, oh, I didn’t even know you. Oh, okay.
Dr. Sev:
All right. Yeah, we’re gonna have some talks too about, you know, all the, all the different ways, the different types of the ways that people can sabotage your, your financial journey. Because there are some subtle ways, there’s some overt ways, and there’s some covert ways that they can sabotage your financial journey. So continue to watch because we’re going to be talking about that throughout the months to come. So I like to end my podcast with a fun question. So if you could have dinner. Well, before I go to my fun question, anything that you want to say to kind of wrap up this conversation, Ms. Beckham?
Nia Adams:
What I would say is that be patient with yourself. Make sure you include rewards along your financial journey and you are capable, you deserve, and you are worthy of financial stability. And remember that.
Dr. Sev:
Yes, yes, you are worthy of financial stability. So just put that somewhere on your mirror so that the decisions can be made easier. All right, so the fun question, if you could have dinner with any historical figure or celebrity, past or present, who would it be and why?
Nia Adams:
Any historical figure or celebrity.
Dr. Sev:
Yeah. Past or present, who would it be and why?
Nia Adams:
Oh, that’s a hard question. Because I have to choose one person.
Dr. Sev:
Preferably because we only have, we only have a short time.
Nia Adams:
Because I could choose, there’s a lot of people. If I could choose one, historical or celebrity, past or present, that I could sit with. I don’t know, I’m gonna have to say, I’m gonna have to be cliche and maybe say Oprah, the way she built her empire, but she kind of stays out of the shock spotlight to be who she is. Like, she gets in the middle of stuff, which is impossible, but the fact that she’s able to build what she has but still stay kind of out of a lot of the drama and things go on just to see what her journey has looked like and learn and, you know, pick up wisdom.
Dr. Sev:
Yeah. Awesome. All right, so what I’m going to do now I am going to share where you can contact Mia. This information is going to be in the description of the video and it’s also going to be in the podcast Show Notes. So Mia, tell them where where this at Money Perspectives, where they can find you here and where else they can.
Nia Adams:
Find so you can find me at Money Perspectives on Tick tock, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, pretty much Everywhere threads, all at Money Perspectives on LinkedIn. You can find me at Nia Adams. And I have, you know, all the letters behind. So that would tell you that it’s me. I’m a certified financial education instructor with the MBA in Finance. So that’s how you’ll be able to tell who I am because I’m sure there’s another nia Adams on LinkedIn.
Dr. Sev:
Okay, awesome. Well, Nia, thank you so, so very much for gracing us with your presence on the doctor said talks, money, YouTube and podcast. This has been an awesome conversation and we could go on, we could really go on and talk a lot more. So I’m definitely going to have to have you back so we can dig deeper into some of these topics. Everyone, thank you so much for joining us on today’s broadcast. We will not have a live stream to on Tuesday or Wednesday, but we’ll come back on Thursday with my guest, Anthony Weaver, from About That Wallet. Please come back on Thursday, December 5th, when I will have a special guest, Anthony Weaver, from About That Wallet Podcast. Until then, take care everyone and I will see you on Thursday.
Keywords
financial mistakes, setting financial boundaries, overcoming money mistakes, financial education, women empowerment, financial habits, money confidence, financial security, spending habits, financial recovery, financial support, financial shame, money management, financial health, financial transformation, financial setbacks, money therapy, financial stability, financial independence, financial literacy, financial coaching, financial goals, holiday spending, budgeting, personal finance, money mindset, financial well-being, gift-giving, financial responsibility, financial decisions, financial journey
